World No.1 Divorce Lawyer: If You Do This, Your Marriage Is Already Over.

Steven Bartlett, recently engaged, asks divorce lawyer James Sexton how not to ruin his marriage. Sexton argues that marriages rarely die from a single event but from 'slippage' — the slow accumulation of small disconnections when one partner stops paying attention and the other slips down the priority list. He offers a concrete weekly ritual (telling your partner three things you love about them, three things they did that made you feel loved, and three things they could do better) and reframes relationships as a job worth doing performance reviews on. The conversation moves through attachment, masculinity and Sexton's own childhood with an alcoholic father, then into a detailed, prop-based explainer of prenups, community property and 'petnups.' It closes with Sexton describing a dream about his late mother that taught him to talk less and simply be present.

• Sexton says men get caught cheating more than women, but cheating is more terminal when women do it — usually signalling the relationship is already over.
  00:08:50
• He names the single most common reason women divorce good providers: they feel themselves slipping down the partner's priority list.
  00:11:26
• Introduces 'slippage' — small disconnections that, like raindrops in a flood, accumulate into the marriage-ending complaint.
  00:26:55
• Argues people avoid intimacy rituals because of a fundamental terror that if their partner saw the real them, they wouldn't be loved.
  00:43:39
• Reveals his own friendly divorce and that his ex-wife told him he'd never love any woman as much as he loves the law.
  00:50:55
• Flatly recommends prenups, calling them the least profitable thing his firm does and 'a rule set' rather than a bet against love.
  01:20:31
• Breaks down crying recounting a dream of his late mother that taught him to stop talking and just be present with the people he loves.
  01:59:48

• Sexton compares affairs to potato chips in the cabinet — you can control your food environment better than your brain when tired and lonely.
  00:09:52
• He reframes dating and marriage as a job: you nail the interview, get the role, then stop showing up for performance reviews.
  00:16:01
• Most women telling you a problem want to be heard, not fixed; men typically want solutions — so he advises offering a 'menu' of responses.
  00:37:52
• His proposed weekly ritual: tell your partner three things you love about them, three things they did that made you feel loved, three they could do better.
  00:41:36
• A prenup simply creates three buckets — yours, mine and ours — versus letting the state legislature write your rules by default.
  01:33:26
• In community-property states like California, co-mingled assets become fully divisible around the seven-year mark, which can spike divorces near that date.
  01:36:31
• A 'petnup' is a contract deciding custody, medical decisions and visitation for pets; Sexton built the free trustedpetnup.com donating proceeds to shelters.
  01:43:43
• Millennial and Gen Z divorce rates have plummeted (marrying later, cohabiting first) while 'gray divorce' for over-65s has tripled since 1990.
  01:48:23
• Sexton frames himself as the mechanic of marriage versus a new-car dealer — a divorce lawyer knows the predictable points of failure.
  01:51:59

Books, products and media the guest or host genuinely endorsed here — with the buy link.

Affiliate link — we may earn a commission at no extra cost to you.